Do Cabbages Exist?
June 18, 2011
Aggie and Bettie are two old friends that have some odd conversations. Out for a walk they start talking about cabbages and if they are really here. And if not, what they will have for lunch.
| Aggie | I’m really looking forward to lunch after that walk. What have we got today? |
| Bettie | We have cabbage sandwiches. |
| Aggie | My favourite. I can’t wait. Go on, start preparing them then. |
| Bettie | All right, all right. I don’t know how you can enjoy something that may not even exist. |
| Aggie | Eh? |
| Bettie | Well, I’ve been thinking. |
| Aggie | Always a dangerous, you didn’t get one of your headaches did you? |
| Bettie | No, no. My brain is fine, it’s just normal thinking. |
| Aggie | Thinking about what? |
| Bettie | Well I’ve sort of been thinking about cabbages. |
| Aggie | So have I. I was thinking how nice it would be munching through some for lunch. |
| Bettie | Yes, I did think about that for a little while, but I was thinking about something else too. |
| Aggie | Oh! A very bad idea. You with two thoughts in your head. You sure you haven’t got a headache? |
| Bettie | No, no. The brains holding up well. Anyway about this second thought. |
| Aggie | Yes please do tell. If it has anything to do with lunch I’m interested. |
| Bettie | I was wondering if it existed. Do cabbages really exist? |
| Aggie | Of course they do. I just picked one from the garden, you have still got it? |
| Bettie | Yes, the cabbage is sitting in the sink at the moment to wash off all the slugs. |
| Aggie | But you get rid of the caterpillars when you do that. And there’s a lot of energy in a caterpillar. |
| Bettie | Well I haven’t got the time to stand around picking off all the slugs from a cabbage that might not exist just so you can have a few extra caterpillars. |
| Aggie | Hmmmmph! I wish you wouldn’t keep going on about lunch not existing. I’m getting rather peckish and you already said you got the cabbage in the sink. You sure your brain isn’t hurting? |
| Bettie | The brains fine. I was just thinking what a guy once said. |
| Aggie | I wouldn’t worry. Men can be unkind and what do they know what someone like you should get up to. |
| Bettie | No, not that guy. A famous guy. |
| Aggie | Guy Fawkes? I wouldn’t worry about him, he was always more interested in blowing things up than any thing else. |
| Bettie | No, this guy was a thinking guy. Guy Fawkes wasn’t much of a thinker. |
| Aggie | That’s true. He would have come up with a much better plan if he thought about it. |
| Bettie | Maybe he should have asked the guy I was thinking about. |
| Aggie | Now there’s a thought. So what was this guy thinking about? |
| Bettie | Well he said something like, “I think, therefore I am.” |
| Aggie | What a strange thing to say. |
| Bettie | Well those thinkers are always a bit strange. |
| Aggie | Yes, but what has this got to do with my lunch? |
| Bettie | I was getting to that. |
| Aggie | I wish you’d start preparing it. |
| Bettie | In a moment. If it really exists. |
| Aggie | I have been eating cabbage sandwiches for long enough to know they do really exist. |
| Bettie | Okay. Well let us just think about what that guy said. |
| Aggie | Descartes. |
| Bettie | Eh? |
| Aggie | He’s the one who said, “I think, therefore I am.” |
| Bettie | Coo, well there you go. Anyway when he said that I was thinking the opposite. |
| Aggie | Errrm, I don’t think, therefore I aint? |
| Bettie | Well you could have said it better. I do not think, therefore I am not. |
| Aggie | I was just simplifying it, lunch might get here a bit quicker. |
| Bettie | Okay, I am getting near the point. |
| Aggie | Good, I’m getting very hungry. |
| Bettie | If you do not think you do not exist. Okay? |
| Aggie | Yep, okay. I’ll agree with that. |
| Bettie | Well, I don’t think cabbages think. |
| Aggie | Oh dear. So what am I going to have for lunch? |
| Bettie | You could still have cabbage. You have been eating non existent cabbages for years. A few more won’t hurt you. |
| Aggie | That would explain the extra wind after lunch. I’ve been eating thin air. Just a minute though. |
| Bettie | I was just going to make our lunch. |
| Aggie | That can wait. I just had a thought. |
| Bettie | Cooo, both of us in the same day. |
| Aggie | We know plants feel, and vary their activities depending on the weather and time of day. |
| Bettie | Err … we do? So? |
| Aggie | Well that doesn’t just happen, they must think about it. |
| Bettie | Yes, I suppose they do. |
| Aggie | Good. Cabbages think therefore they are. And you can make us lunch. |
| Bettie | I’m glad about that. It would have been a bit silly making a sandwich for lunch with something we know didn’t exist. |
| Aggie | Been even sillier eating it. |
| Bettie | Just one last thought. What about rocks? |
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