Forgetting Gravity

Forgetting about gravity is a very easy thing to do. Not a very sensible or healthy idea though. Stepping off the top of a building just because you forgot gravity was there will not stop you from falling. But if you could persuade gravity to forget about you, that is a completely different matter. You would not have the problem of hitting the pavement below rather hard after a few moments.

The hard part is getting gravity to forget you. Once it has, doing what you wish where you wish is then very easy.

Now how do you get gravity to forget about you?
There has been many theories in this, but as yet no one has proved that any of them are possible and some just have not been given the time to prove that they do not work. One theory is to get gravity thinking about something else, something that is definitely not you. But you would not want to take this too far and get gravity to start thinking about too much and start forgetting about other things too. Can you imagine if that happened? Everything could suddenly leave the ground or not reach it just as its whim wanted. A herd of elephants forgotten by gravity floating through the air would not really cause any problems but the devastation to the ground below once gravity remembered them would be a bit of a problem.

It is believed that gravity will stop thinking about you once it starts talking to you, just don’t go mentioning any one else or that herd of elephants. The big problem here is grabbing gravity’s attention. It has a lot to think about so is not easily disturbed. The next thing we need to think about then is how to grab the attention of gravity in such away it is really going to sit up and take notice.  Jumping off a tall building and hurtling to your death may grab the attention of many passers-by and the odd elephant herd in the distance but it will not really grab the attention of gravity. It is going to know you are there and just bring you down to earth. But the big thump at the end will probably mean you will have no chance of grabbing its attention again.

In theory the best way to grab gravity’s attention would be to defy it. This is the plan all a long so once you have got gravity’s attention and start defying it keeping its attention in focus and with you should be very easy. But with this catch 22 situation what can we do?

Another method of grabbing the attention of gravity is needed, some one or something else may be needed to help you out here. You could always ask a passing herd of elephants. Below a method for grabbing gravity’s attention using that herd of elephants.

If the herd of elephants is smaller than ten let them pass and wait for the next one to come along. Once you have your herd of ten or more elephants pick out the mightiest of these elephants for the up and coming task.
You will need to persuade the elephants to build a pyramid. Four elephants on the bottom, three on top of these, then two and finally the last one on the top.  This is a hard task for elephants to do especially with gravity watching them but this will keep gravity amused and make your final achievement slightly easier to perform. Climb up the elephant tower and sit on the back of the top most elephant. The elephants should now start breaking away from the pyramid from the bottom row first, then the second and so on until the only elephant left is the one at the top which you are sitting on. This should be done as slowly as possible so gravity is too busy holding up the pile to notice it moving to the side away from that top elephant. Do not move off that top elephant at the moment, gravity has not forgotten about you it knows exactly where you are, it’s just not sure about the elephant underneath you.  You will now need to have the following conversation with gravity, it is believed it will work every time, gravity is not too bright. (Look it has already forgotten about that elephant.)

You : Hey gravity over here I’m flying.
Gravity: No you’re not. You’re sitting on an elephant.
You: I can’t be on an elephant I’m 30 feet in the air, elephants aint that tall.
Gravity: You are on an elephant, it must be a tall elephant.
You: Nope it’s just a normal everyday elephant that I just happen to be holding it up in the air while flying.
Gravity: You’re not holding that elephant, it is there all on its own.
You: Naaah! I’m holding it up here and you can’t have it back.
Gravity: Oh yes I can watch this.

At this point gravity will bring the elephant to the ground, hopefully you did not do this in a populated area. The elephant may hit with a thump but it was not that high up so it should be okay, anything underneath it will not. As gravity concentrates on dropping the elephant and bringing that back to the ground it will be forgetting about you. Once the elephant touches the ground and gravity has finished feeling smug of regaining the elephant it will return to you.

Gravity: There you are.  I told you the elephant was up there on its own.
You: Yes, but my plan worked.
Gravity: Plan ?
You: Yes, my plan to get you to forget about me.
Gravity: Oh well I can soon bring you down too.
You: Before you do that I’d go and check there aren’t any other floating elephants with people on their backs.
Gravity : Okay, but I wont forget you. I’ll be right back.

At this point gravity will forget you and go off looking for other floating elephants. Once you have finished your non-gravital tasks you will need to build another elephant pyramid to once again grab gravity’s attention. Once again move the bottom elephants away. Gravity will be with you once again when you are sitting on top of that elephant 30 feet in the air. (You will most likely have to use a different elephant, elephants do not like being dropped from any height.) The following conversation will then follow.

Gravity : Oh you’re still up there.
You : Yep, me and the elephant.
Gravity: But you don’t need the elephant, I’d forgotten about you.
You : Are you sure ?
Gravity: Of course I’m sure, watch this.

Gravity will now drop you. You will just stay on the back of the elephant, if you were some where else it is your stupid fault when gravity drops the elephant on your head.

You: See the elephant is holding me up.
Gravity: Oh, so I see, well it wont be for much longer.

Gravity will now drop the elephant to the ground. Make sure you are holding on. Once on the ground you can go back to your normal life.