Aggie and Bettie contemplate the existence of cabbages and if they will be able to enjoy lunch.

Aggie I’m really looking forward to lunch after that walk. What have we got today?
Bettie We have cabbage sandwiches.
Aggie My favourite. I can’t wait. Go on,  start preparing them then.
Bettie All right, all right. I don’t know how you can enjoy something that may not even exist.
Aggie Eh?
Bettie Well, I’ve been thinking.
Aggie Always a dangerous, you didn’t get one of your headaches did you?
Bettie No, no. My brain is fine, it’s just normal thinking.
Aggie Thinking about what?
Bettie Well I’ve sort of been thinking about cabbages.
Aggie So have I. I was thinking how nice it would be muching through some for lunch.
Bettie Yes, I did think about that for a little while, but I was thinking about something else too.
Aggie Oh!  A very bad idea. You with two thoughts in your head. You sure you haven’t got a headache?
Bettie No, no. The brains holding up well. Anyway about this second thought.
Aggie Yes please do tell. If it has anything to do with lunch I’m interested.
Bettie I was wondering if it existed. Do cabbages really exist?
Aggie Of course they do. I just picked one from the garden, you have still got it?
Bettie Yes, the cabbage is sitting in the sink at the moment to wash off all the slugs.
Aggie But you get rid of the caterpillars when you do that. And there’s a lot of energy in a caterpillar.
Bettie Well I haven’t got the time to stand around picking off all the slugs from a cabbage that might not exist just so you can have a few extra caterpillars.
Aggie Hmmmmph!  I wish you wouldn’t keep going on about lunch not existing. I’m getting rather peckish and you already said you got the cabbage in the sink. You sure your brain isn’t hurting?
Bettie The brains fine. I was just thinking what a guy once said.
Aggie I wouldn’t worry. Men can be unkind and what do they know what someone like you should get up to.
Bettie No, not that guy. A famous guy.
Aggie Guy Fawkes? I wouldn’t worry about him, he was always more interested in blowing things up than any thing else.
Bettie No, this guy was a thinking guy. Guy Fawkes wasn’t much of a thinker.
Aggie That’s true. He would have come up with a much better plan if he thought about it.
Bettie Maybe he should have asked the guy I was thinking about.
Aggie Now there’s a thought. So what was this guy thinking about?
Bettie Well he said something like, “I think, therefore I am.”
Aggie What a strange thing to say.
Bettie Well those thinkers are always a bit strange.
Aggie Yes, but what has this got to do with my lunch?
Bettie I was getting to that.
Aggie I wish you’d start preparing it.
Bettie In a moment. If it really exists.
Aggie I have been eating cabbage sandwiches for long enough to know they do really exist.
Bettie Okay. Well let us just think about what that guy said.
Aggie Descartes.
Bettie Eh?
Aggie He’s the one who said, “I think, therefore I am.”
Bettie Coo, well there you go. Anyway when he said that I was thinking the opposite.
Aggie Errrm, I don’t think, therefore I aint?
Bettie Well you could have said it better. I do not think, therefore I am not.
Aggie I was just simplifying it, lunch might get here a bit quicker.
Bettie Okay, I am getting near the point.
Aggie Good, I’m getting very hungry.
Bettie If you do not think you do not exist. Okay?
Aggie Yep, okay. I’ll agree with that.
Bettie Well, I don’t think cabbages think.
Aggie Oh dear. So what am I going to have for lunch?
Bettie You could still have cabbage. You have been eating non existent cabbages for years. A few more won’t hurt you.
Aggie That would explain the extra wind after lunch. I’ve been eating thin air.  Just a minute though.
Bettie I was just going to make our lunch.
Aggie That can wait. I just had a thought.
Bettie Cooo, both of us in the same day.
Aggie We know plants feel, and vary their activities depending on the weather and time of day.
Bettie Err … we do? So?
Aggie Well that doesn’t just happen, they must think about it.
Bettie Yes, I suppose they do.
Aggie Good. Cabbages think therfore they are. And you can make us lunch.
Bettie I’m glad about that. It would have been a bit silly making a sandwich for lunch with something we know didn’t exist.
Aggie Been even sillier eating it.
Bettie Just one last thought. What about rocks?
Tagged with: