Aggie Ooooo Look! That tree’s gone and fallen over.
Bettie Oh dear! Are you sure it fell over?
Aggie Of course it did, it wouldn’t just appear there.
Bettie How do you know? You know what the say.
Aggie What? That trees don’t fall over they just appear there. That’s silly, I seen a tree fall over when I was a little girl.
Bettie I see one fall just last week. Big thing it was, came crashing to the ground and knocked a little tree over too.
Aggie The tree I saw when I was a little girl was enormous and thundered to the ground taking two other trees with it. Big trees they were too.
Bettie Coo, what a sight. I bet it hurt your ears all that noise.
Aggie Oh yes. So noisy it made my ears bleed. You don’t get trees crashing to the ground like that nowadays.
Bettie No, much quieter trees nowadays.
Aggie So what do they say?
Bettie Eh?
Aggie What do they say about the trees?
Bettie Oh that. You know. ‘If a tree falls and no one hears it, does it make a sound?’
Aggie Do they? What a silly thing to say. Trees are always noisy when they fall.
Bettie But what if it didn’t fall?
Aggie Eh? It did fall you just said it did.
Bettie No I never.
Aggie You did. You said it fell without making a sound ‘coz no one heard it.
Bettie But if it fell without making a sound., did it fall?
Aggie It did fall. It can’t get on the ground otherwise.
Bettie But you said all trees make a noise when they fall. So if it didn’t make a noise it couldn’t have fallen.
Aggie Cooo! I think you’re right. Do you know there could be trees all over the place that we don’t hear that are standing up one day and laying on the ground the next.
Bettie It makes you think doesn’t it?
Aggie Does it? I suppose it does.
Bettie Oh yes, it definitely makes you think. Think about all those lumberjacks.
Aggie Ooooo! All those muscley lumberjacks with their big choppers.
Bettie Oh yes! Can’t forget their big choppers.
Aggie I wouldn’t mind a lumberjack at home. With his muscles and big chopper.
Bettie Alfie wouldn’t like it though.
Aggie No, poor Alfie. He wouldn’t like it at all. Anyway why are we thinking about them?
Bettie Thinking about who?
Aggie The lumberjacks.
Bettie Oh them! Oh yes! Well all that hard work they do, there’s no need fo it.
Aggie There isn’t?
Bettie Oooh no! They should all leave the woods and wait for the trees to appear on the ground, save all the chopping.
Aggie Ooooo yes! So it would. Be a lot easier. They can get on with their singing then.
Bettie Singing, do they sing then?
Aggie Oooo yes! Haven’t you seen them on the telly? Singing about chopping down trees and dressing up.
Bettie They’ll just have to sing about waiting for trees now.
Aggie And dressing up.
Bettie Ooooo yes! Can’t forget the dressing up. What do they dress up in?
Aggie I wouldn’t know. Silly people they are.
Bettie Yes, yes, that is true.
Aggie Oh look! Another tree.
Bettie I wonder if that one fell.
Aggie I bet it made a lot of noise if it did.
Bettie Yes, big crashing noises like thunder.
Aggie Oh yes! I’ve always liked the noise of thunder.
Bettie Yes, and the crackle of lightning.
Aggie Lightning doesn’t make a noise. If it did I’m sure it would be a whizz not a crackle.
Bettie It sort of gives a crackley feeling. You know, all that natural electricity.
Aggie Coo yes, the electricity. Especially the blue ones.
Bettie Yes much nicer than the white lightning.
Aggie Yes. Alfie likes the blue electricity too.
Bettie No dear, I think its Electric Blue that Alfie likes.
Aggie Oh yes. Though he does get breathless after watching it for a few minutes.
Bettie Well the lightning always does that to me.
Aggie Ooooooooo look! Another tree.
Bettie Oooooooo yes! There’s something sitting on it. Can’t quite make it out.
Aggie It’s quite small and has a fuzzy face.
Bettie Oooooh! Is there a helicopter near by?
Aggie A Helicopter?
Bettie Yes, if there is it’s probably Noel Edmonds.
Aggie No, it has a bushy tail though.
Bettie Oh. Then it’s a squirrel. That’s how you tell the difference between them.
Aggie I see. So Noel has a helicopter and squirrels have bushy tails.
Bettie That’s right.
Aggie Well let’s go and get a nice cup of tea.
Bettie Oooo! That’s a good idea. We can have a mindless natter over it. We get so little time for mindless natters nowadays.
Aggie Yes. Got all this philosophical thinking to do about trees.
Bettie And Noel Edmonds.
Aggie Oh yes! Can’t forget Noel Edmonds.
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