Millenium Bug
This was written in 1999 while every one was talking about the ” millenium bug“.
| Aggie | What are you buying that insect spray for? |
| Bettie | I’m buying it for my nephew I think he may need it. |
| Aggie | Ooooo, have those nasty little beetles infected his flat again? |
| Bettie | Oh no, they have all gone now. That mixture you made up worked a treat. |
| Aggie | Mixture, what mixture? The only thing I gave you last week was the stew for his lunch. |
| Bettie | Well he’s never liked your stews and it looks like the beetles didn’t either. |
| Aggie | So why does he need the insect spray? He can’t have more bugs in the house. |
| Bettie | No, there aren’t any bugs in the house. I don’t think any bugs, even those really awful ones will come into the house with your stew laid around the walls. |
| Aggie | My stew isn’t that bad. So where are the bugs then? |
| Bettie | They’re in his computer. They are pesky little bleeders apparently. They keep destroying his software. |
| Aggie | What do they do, eat it? |
| Bettie | I wouldn’t know, but I’m sure this spray will take care of them. |
| Aggie | You sure you use spray inside the computer. Wouldn’t it be a bit dangerous with all that electricity? |
| Bettie | Coo, I never thought of that. Hmmm, I’m sure we can think of some other way to help him out. I’m sure he would like to get rid of all those bugs. |
| Aggie | It’s not that big bug that everyone’s going on about is it? |
| Bettie | Cooo, I never thought of that. That bug is affecting everything. It must be a rather big bug. |
| Aggie | Yeah, it’s going to sit in the high street new year’s eve and hold up all the traffic. |
| Bettie | We’d need a lot spray to kill that thing. |
| Aggie | I’m sure I could make up some mixture that would kill it. |
| Bettie | I’m not even sure your stew would be strong enough for that. It is an awfully big bug. |
| Aggie | Coooo, your nephew wouldn’t be able to cope with a bug that big. |
| Bettie | I wouldn’t be able to cope with a bug that big. |
| Aggie | It would feed a quite a few people though. |
| Bettie | Sorry? |
| Aggie | I was thinking; if you put the bug in a stew it would feed quite a few people. |
| Bettie | Or keep away a lot of bugs. You could keep a whole country of bugs away with a bug stew of that size. |
| Aggie | So what are we going to do for your nephew with the bug? |
| Bettie | He hasn’t got a bug. He’s as fit as a fiddle. Never gets ill. A strong lad he is. |
| Aggie | No, not a bug in his stomach, the bug in his computer. |
| Bettie | Oh, that bug. |
| Aggie | Yes that bug. Got any suggestions? |
| Bettie | Well I don’t know. If the spray won’t work, and we’d have to make a lot of stew for a bug that big, I don’t know what we can do. |
| Aggie | Maybe we shouldn’t bother; it will probably just go away. |
| Bettie | Do you think so? |
| Aggie | It’ll only be here for a couple of days. Then we can all get back to normal again. |
| Bettie | It seems a long while to wait, just to see if it will go away after a couple of days. |
| Aggie | Well we haven’t got computers so we don’t need to worry. |
| Bettie | But what if it sits in the middle of the road and turns all the traffic lights red. We’d never get to town on the bus. |
| Aggie | There are other ways of getting there. |
| Bettie | Yes, but is so old fashioned. And it frightens people. |
| Aggie | Well if you are that worried pick up a couple of cans of spray and I’ll make up some of my stew. |
| Bettie | Yes we can give it a try when it comes along and see if we get away with it. |
Kevin & Kell
Terry Pratchett